Dear All,
Well, yesterday was the anniversary of my mother's death. I don't know if anyone else remembered in my family, as no one called.I slept since I worked the night shift; and didn't think anyone would appreciate a 3am call, when I was reminiscing at work. Mostly, I miss the phone calls to Mom. Dad would not let her call, because he is a Great Depression survivor and you know "a penny saved". I used to call her on my way home from work in the morning; because who can you call at 7am, and know they'll be happy to hear from you? She knew I'd call if I got sleepy, on my over an hour commute, after working 12.5 hours. She always was happy to hear from me; even when she was recovering from her brain surgery, or while she had her short stay in the nursing home. I am so glad we brought her home for those last few days; so she could die surrounded by her family.She was so happy to be near us, even after she could no longer speak.I also miss her reassurance that I am OK as a person; and no matter what, that steadfast LOVE. Sometimes I was so frustrated when I couldn't seem to communicate a hurt or offended feeling. Now, what I wouldn't give for a little of her assessments and opinions; just to hear her voice! How easily we as people are offended by someone who honestly loves us and just can't resist trying to "fix" something in our lives.
Brandon gave me a blessing the other night, when I was so ill, and in the process announced that "Grandma remembers you and watches over you; and is happy serving Heavenly Father in the Kingdom". Just like Mom, not to rest a moment. I hope she will look in on all of us during her "Memorial" coming up on the 18th. The family is having a reunion with the traditional wienie roast she started many years ago. I wonder if she'll be happy with our progress? In some ways we seem so disconnected now that she is gone. She was the glue that kept us together. I've read that siblings have the longest relationships of all; and therefore the potential to be the most important. Since I am the oldest, I've known my siblings the longest at this point. I, too, find myself wanting stay connected with my siblings and other extended family members, wanting to have an awesome relationship with each and every one. Not an easy task, from my position on the west coast. So...I send cards. The cards, I hope, will bring a smile, or laugh, a little "oh, she remembers me". Hallmark calls me their "top platinum customer". It's not as grand as the annual wienie roast she'd have, but it is the same attempt at connecting to those I love most. Getting them to stop and think about "us". In this way too busy world, I think we all could use more of those moments....in my opinion, and in the tradition of "Mom".
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You'll be pleased to know that my kids were talking about your cards at the weenie roast...how they have confetti in them, and how we get them for 'little' holidays like St. Patricks Day. I remember when they first started opening the mail...and a card came from you. I told my little Kristina to open it very carefully because there would be confetti inside...the amazement on her face was priceless---You are a great auntie :)
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