Total Loss

To all who don't know...We had a house fire. It was apparently started by a portable DVD player which was being charged. Kimberly lost most everything she owned. We lost alot, due to smoke damage, throughout the house... Everyone keeps saying how well I'm taking it. The fire happened May 2nd. I was at church, which I think really helped with the "calm" part. Now, 2 months later, my house still stands neglected. It is so pathetic. Every time I go to see it I get more depressed. I just spent the last 2 days in bed 'cause I just felt it was too much to get up and face it all. All because of the "total loss" figuring. When I hired the contractor he said they would "handle my things as though they were theirs"...and I guess they did. Everything is filthy from being thrown around the floor, and then swept into piles with the soot, insulation, and dirt. It may not look like much, but these things took over 24 years to accumulate, sort, and cherish for later. It was crowded, but organized. Now it's not. Now it's trash. It makes me sick. This was our home...Everyone keeps saying how its going to be so beautiful! And..."if only more of your house had burned you could really make some changes"! I thank God no more burned. As it is, much of our things are going to be total lossed. I don't know how I'll ever get everything back to normal. I have to save receipts for all the things I bought to replace things but I can't just give it to the insurance...I have to make 2 copies and give them to the adjuster who will send one to the insurance. I had to buy a copy machine, because ours was...you guessed it "totaled". I now have about fifty receipts of expenses to tally. I work fulltime. Who has that kind of time? I guess I could have dragged my depressed butt out of bed sometime in the last 2 days and tackled it, but I just couldn't talk myself into it!I had to request that all correspondence be mailed to me, since our computers were "total lossed". We are currently in a rental down the street. The person I hired to pay the rent bounced the check!...We pick up the mail daily from our home. Our lawn is dead now. The house still wreaks of smoke. They let the water leak onto the kitchen floor when they removed my appliances for storage...should have channeled that to the lawn. Someone, not us, left the back door and window wide open when they left. In all the dealing with the fire, I've met a couple single guys my age...who do nothing but talk about their past 2 marriages, their children, their dirt bikes, their medical conditions etc. I had no idea men talked this much! I'm told they're interested...But if I have to walk around my filthy ruined home one more time with them so they can "get to know me better"...Who makes an appointment with someone to do that?I can't get a word in edgewise. They don't ask about me at all. How narcisstic is that? Has dating changed that much?!I'm told I've hired a AAA rated company by the BBB, but so far I am not impressed. I actually thought it would be a learning experience, a chance to simplify, an opportunity to get to know more people, to build my faith in God and my fellowman. "What dosen't kill you makes you stronger";I say it again;" why would anyone need to be that strong?!" I find myself seeing the funny side of alot of it...but no one else gets it!...laughing by myself, and no one else gets it. May be crazy... Kim

Hurrah for Good Health

Dear all,
Well, if any still wander here...I am so sorry about the lapse of blogging. I was completely blown away a few months back when my son, Brandon, was diagnosed with possible seizure disorder. We were so blessed to have survived childhood leukemia, and thought we were in the clear twenty two years later. Well, 5 doctors and months of waiting for authorization and appointments later, we finally have a diagnosis. He is suffering from panic attacks or panic disorder. They are a result of having a family predisposition for mental illness (ie. manic depression, or bipolar disorder etc.) followed by the radiation to the cranium he received as a child for treatment of leukemia. It manifested now, at age 27, because of the incredible stress he has been under due to caring for a wife with CP, going to school, working, etc. The solution was to put him on a sedative and an antidepressant and wean off the sedative gradually. Children's Hospital of LA has been most helpful and compassionate. His neurologist was a bit of a jerk actually causing Brandon to have attacks when he had to visit him due to his attitude of treating Brandon like he was an idiot. Brandon has not had any more episodes since going on the antidepressant. Hurrah! It is great to have my son back, laughing and happy again. I found out online back in November that these were the meds he needed. He finally is getting treated properly this month!
We were all stressed out by this experience, mostly because of the delay in getting him treatment. When someone you love is having daily attacks or seizures it is highly upsetting. The doctors did not seem to understand how life altering this was. He can't drive and therefore cant work (he's a float driver for Disney). Someone had to take him to his appointments etc. He felt terrible whenever he had an attack, manifesting all kinds of symptoms including, paleness, sweating, nausea, dizzyness, weakness etc. I had difficulty concentrating on my job, his wife was beside herself with worry; and found new strengths caring for someone else with a health problem which was a new experience for her, and for Kimberly it was like the nightmare of her childhood coming back with all the appointments and time spent worrying when another attack would happen. We got through this experience, but still feel much could have been done to streamline the process. Why did it take 6 months to see the right doctor and get on the right meds when it says online how to treat this disorder? As a health care professional, I was very disapointed in the process. It caused undue stress, lowered self esteem, self doubt, and more distress than was necessary, for Brandon and our whole family.
Needless to say, our holidays were affected, as well as our financial well being, and our personal relationships suffered as well. We really tried hard to be supportive of one another, but we all lost it at one time or another. I hold the medical doctors responsible, as well as the insurance company. It should not take months to get in to see a psychiatrist when you are having daily seizures and/or panic attacks! Did they think it was funny to put this young couple through this ordeal? Children's Hospital at least took the time to advise us as to what should be done. The rest all need to go back to school to learn communication skills, and compassionate service!
We all had a lovely, but frugal, Valentine's Day, yesterday, since I have to work today. I made speghetti, and we had a "Lady and the Tramp" theme. We played the sound track from the movie and had candlelight. All their money is going to medical bills now, and mine is supporting them. Six months of income has been lost while accumulating medical bills, which takes all the disability pay. Christine is now back at work, these last 2 weeks, after recovering from her head injury received while at work, 7 months ago. It was great to celebrate the love we have for one another, and remember how this too shall pass. I hope that all will be well soon and get back to "normal".
Kimberly is still trying to find a job for the degree she went to school for. She is very patient and perservering under the circumstances. The economy can not improve fast enough for me. When I think of all the money spent getting her an education, and now there are no jobs, it just sickens me. Things seem to be looking up, and I am so grateful we are all doing okay now. Without our faith, we would not have made it. Love Kim