An Unlikely Family

To all who venture here,
All my life I can remember wanting a real, normal, family. I read books like "Little Women", "Little Men" and even "Grapes of Wrath" showed family working together to survive. I can remember living with my paternal grandmother and loving it. All the cousins around and aunties and uncles. My parents were divorced; both were judged to be lacking in the parenting department, and so Grandma took care of us. I felt really loved, even though I missed my mother emensely. My Father was like a big kid, tickling us all the time til we cried, and piling us up in a 3 kid sandwich and laying on us. He was 6'6" so this wasn't fun, especially since I was usually on the bottom! Then Father married a woman 15 years my senior. I was 5 or so. She turned out to have even less parenting skills and was a very scary, abusive, psycho. The fact that Father did not protect us says alot. It was a long nightmare, interrupted by 18 months in foster care for me when I was 6. The care I received in foster care was calm and capable. I wanted to stay there forever, but was sent back to the nightmare at age 8. I left one month after I turned 18; tired of the molestation by my Father and being beat up by my stepmother. I went back for my sister, and then my brother, as soon as I was able.
The point is that I survived miraculously, fairly OK. My sister and my brother did not get to see "normal", and so they have had to try and figure it out themselves. I love them both very much. I understand them, when others may not. My brother always hugs me a little too tight, and has a heart that is so big. My sister swings back and forth between her truth, and what really happened; she lived with lies all her life, and that became normal. I see the struggle in her. Then I have my other sister who grew up with my mother who was clinicly depressed over the loss of her other 3 children. I also have a foster sister who my Mom and "Dad" loved by choice. They are all my siblings forever, scars and all. Whether we can survive, the loss of our chosen parents "Mom and Dad" remains to be seen. We are fragile at best at staying a "family" and that is sad, because after all "all I've ever wanted is a normal family". My children remind me often that I have broken the cycle of abuse, and that we are a pretty normal family. We are small, but I hope significant in the path my posterity shall take. Some things take a lifetime to accomplish, and somethings will have to wait for the next act. I guess I shall have to leave it to Him... Love's Eternal, Kim

Family Update

Dear all,
Well, it was over 105 today, but not humid, thank goodness. The kids went to Disneyland today; with Nina and her boyfriend from North Dakota. He fits right in, and everyone seems to be getting along nicely. They met online about 3 years ago. Christine stayed home, as she was injured at work a while back, and is recovering from post concussion syndrome. She gets vertigo and dizzy so the rides did not sound fun. She is spending the day with her parents. I went to the bank, post office, and grocery store, and did 2 loads of towels after the sun went down. I finished a good book "Can't Wait to Get to Heaven" and I can recommend it. Did the dishes, watered the lawn etc. A productive day....
Christine is on workman comp, and Brandon is on break from parades, which won't start up again until sometime in Oct. He is back in school and is really enjoying 2 classes. Christine had to drop her class due to the head injury. Kimberly is also taking a class, working, and has a new internship working for "Silly Sally's" children's entertainment. She is a busy girl! I plan to go back to school next spring if my health holds up, and my parents estate gets settled. I also plan to get my own affairs in order in case something happens to me. Ever since their grandparents died, my kids have been worried about me leaving them with out some instructions in place. How did the last 21 years go by so fast?
Well, I guess I just don't have much to say here. Hope all of you are well and happy. We could use some prayers for Christine to get well, Brandon to have enough time to finish school, Kimberly to get a job in her field of study, and for me to have the title of "Grandma" bestowed upon me this next year. No pressure though, just wishing...love eternal, Kim

Summer Heat

I am not a summer person. I love autumn. Autumn can not get here soon enough. I ran the air conditioner again last night...all night. It is a window unit out in the living room, and I have to position a fan, going full blast, to blow into the back where the bedrooms are. On a personal note...I absolutely hate menopause! Not that I have a uterus anymore...but the power surges are so embarrassing, and in this heat I look like I'm melting...all the time. The sweat drips off my earings for gosh sakes! So come on cool, crisp, beautiful fall! I also need a job working in a refrigerator, and not under baby warmers set to body temp...yep 98.6. When I asked the elder ladies at church how long this phase of my life would last they smiled and said they were still having hot flashes! They got to be 90! How is that possible? I did ask Mom about all these annoying symptoms, while she was still alive, but she said she didn't experience them. Lucky me...! So I didn't get much sleep again last night, and woke up to 3 dogs staring at me; 10 minutes before the alarm was set to go off. They wanted to go out. I really needed that last 10 minutes. No one should have to get up at 430 in the morning. It just feels wrong. On the upside, I had the freeway pretty much to myself. I listened to country music on the way in to work; which is just stories put to music, which always makes me smile; so that by the time I switched freeways I was in a much better mood. The moon was huge and orange looking suspiciously like a harvest moon, which can only mean one thing...Autumn is on its way!