Total Loss

To all who don't know...We had a house fire. It was apparently started by a portable DVD player which was being charged. Kimberly lost most everything she owned. We lost alot, due to smoke damage, throughout the house... Everyone keeps saying how well I'm taking it. The fire happened May 2nd. I was at church, which I think really helped with the "calm" part. Now, 2 months later, my house still stands neglected. It is so pathetic. Every time I go to see it I get more depressed. I just spent the last 2 days in bed 'cause I just felt it was too much to get up and face it all. All because of the "total loss" figuring. When I hired the contractor he said they would "handle my things as though they were theirs"...and I guess they did. Everything is filthy from being thrown around the floor, and then swept into piles with the soot, insulation, and dirt. It may not look like much, but these things took over 24 years to accumulate, sort, and cherish for later. It was crowded, but organized. Now it's not. Now it's trash. It makes me sick. This was our home...Everyone keeps saying how its going to be so beautiful! And..."if only more of your house had burned you could really make some changes"! I thank God no more burned. As it is, much of our things are going to be total lossed. I don't know how I'll ever get everything back to normal. I have to save receipts for all the things I bought to replace things but I can't just give it to the insurance...I have to make 2 copies and give them to the adjuster who will send one to the insurance. I had to buy a copy machine, because ours was...you guessed it "totaled". I now have about fifty receipts of expenses to tally. I work fulltime. Who has that kind of time? I guess I could have dragged my depressed butt out of bed sometime in the last 2 days and tackled it, but I just couldn't talk myself into it!I had to request that all correspondence be mailed to me, since our computers were "total lossed". We are currently in a rental down the street. The person I hired to pay the rent bounced the check!...We pick up the mail daily from our home. Our lawn is dead now. The house still wreaks of smoke. They let the water leak onto the kitchen floor when they removed my appliances for storage...should have channeled that to the lawn. Someone, not us, left the back door and window wide open when they left. In all the dealing with the fire, I've met a couple single guys my age...who do nothing but talk about their past 2 marriages, their children, their dirt bikes, their medical conditions etc. I had no idea men talked this much! I'm told they're interested...But if I have to walk around my filthy ruined home one more time with them so they can "get to know me better"...Who makes an appointment with someone to do that?I can't get a word in edgewise. They don't ask about me at all. How narcisstic is that? Has dating changed that much?!I'm told I've hired a AAA rated company by the BBB, but so far I am not impressed. I actually thought it would be a learning experience, a chance to simplify, an opportunity to get to know more people, to build my faith in God and my fellowman. "What dosen't kill you makes you stronger";I say it again;" why would anyone need to be that strong?!" I find myself seeing the funny side of alot of it...but no one else gets it!...laughing by myself, and no one else gets it. May be crazy... Kim