Horta Hash

Total Loss

2010-07-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

To all who don't know...We had a house fire. It was apparently started by a portable DVD player which was being charged. Kimberly lost most everything she owned. We lost alot, due to smoke damage, throughout the house... Everyone keeps saying how well I'm taking it. The fire happened May 2nd. I was at church, which I think really helped with the "calm" part. Now, 2 months later, my house still stands neglected. It is so pathetic. Every time I go to see it I get more depressed. I just spent the last 2 days in bed 'cause I just felt it was too much to get up and face it all. All because of the "total loss" figuring. When I hired the contractor he said they would "handle my things as though they were theirs"...and I guess they did. Everything is filthy from being thrown around the floor, and then swept into piles with the soot, insulation, and dirt. It may not look like much, but these things took over 24 years to accumulate, sort, and cherish for later. It was crowded, but organized. Now it's not. Now it's trash. It makes me sick. This was our home...Everyone keeps saying how its going to be so beautiful! And..."if only more of your house had burned you could really make some changes"! I thank God no more burned. As it is, much of our things are going to be total lossed. I don't know how I'll ever get everything back to normal. I have to save receipts for all the things I bought to replace things but I can't just give it to the insurance...I have to make 2 copies and give them to the adjuster who will send one to the insurance. I had to buy a copy machine, because ours was...you guessed it "totaled". I now have about fifty receipts of expenses to tally. I work fulltime. Who has that kind of time? I guess I could have dragged my depressed butt out of bed sometime in the last 2 days and tackled it, but I just couldn't talk myself into it!I had to request that all correspondence be mailed to me, since our computers were "total lossed". We are currently in a rental down the street. The person I hired to pay the rent bounced the check!...We pick up the mail daily from our home. Our lawn is dead now. The house still wreaks of smoke. They let the water leak onto the kitchen floor when they removed my appliances for storage...should have channeled that to the lawn. Someone, not us, left the back door and window wide open when they left. In all the dealing with the fire, I've met a couple single guys my age...who do nothing but talk about their past 2 marriages, their children, their dirt bikes, their medical conditions etc. I had no idea men talked this much! I'm told they're interested...But if I have to walk around my filthy ruined home one more time with them so they can "get to know me better"...Who makes an appointment with someone to do that?I can't get a word in edgewise. They don't ask about me at all. How narcisstic is that? Has dating changed that much?!I'm told I've hired a AAA rated company by the BBB, but so far I am not impressed. I actually thought it would be a learning experience, a chance to simplify, an opportunity to get to know more people, to build my faith in God and my fellowman. "What dosen't kill you makes you stronger";I say it again;" why would anyone need to be that strong?!" I find myself seeing the funny side of alot of it...but no one else gets it!...laughing by myself, and no one else gets it. May be crazy... Kim

Hurrah for Good Health

2010-02-14T10:57:00.000-08:00

Dear all,
Well, if any still wander here...I am so sorry about the lapse of blogging. I was completely blown away a few months back when my son, Brandon, was diagnosed with possible seizure disorder. We were so blessed to have survived childhood leukemia, and thought we were in the clear twenty two years later. Well, 5 doctors and months of waiting for authorization and appointments later, we finally have a diagnosis. He is suffering from panic attacks or panic disorder. They are a result of having a family predisposition for mental illness (ie. manic depression, or bipolar disorder etc.) followed by the radiation to the cranium he received as a child for treatment of leukemia. It manifested now, at age 27, because of the incredible stress he has been under due to caring for a wife with CP, going to school, working, etc. The solution was to put him on a sedative and an antidepressant and wean off the sedative gradually. Children's Hospital of LA has been most helpful and compassionate. His neurologist was a bit of a jerk actually causing Brandon to have attacks when he had to visit him due to his attitude of treating Brandon like he was an idiot. Brandon has not had any more episodes since going on the antidepressant. Hurrah! It is great to have my son back, laughing and happy again. I found out online back in November that these were the meds he needed. He finally is getting treated properly this month!
We were all stressed out by this experience, mostly because of the delay in getting him treatment. When someone you love is having daily attacks or seizures it is highly upsetting. The doctors did not seem to understand how life altering this was. He can't drive and therefore cant work (he's a float driver for Disney). Someone had to take him to his appointments etc. He felt terrible whenever he had an attack, manifesting all kinds of symptoms including, paleness, sweating, nausea, dizzyness, weakness etc. I had difficulty concentrating on my job, his wife was beside herself with worry; and found new strengths caring for someone else with a health problem which was a new experience for her, and for Kimberly it was like the nightmare of her childhood coming back with all the appointments and time spent worrying when another attack would happen. We got through this experience, but still feel much could have been done to streamline the process. Why did it take 6 months to see the right doctor and get on the right meds when it says online how to treat this disorder? As a health care professional, I was very disapointed in the process. It caused undue stress, lowered self esteem, self doubt, and more distress than was necessary, for Brandon and our whole family.
Needless to say, our holidays were affected, as well as our financial well being, and our personal relationships suffered as well. We really tried hard to be supportive of one another, but we all lost it at one time or another. I hold the medical doctors responsible, as well as the insurance company. It should not take months to get in to see a psychiatrist when you are having daily seizures and/or panic attacks! Did they think it was funny to put this young couple through this ordeal? Children's Hospital at least took the time to advise us as to what should be done. The rest all need to go back to school to learn communication skills, and compassionate service!
We all had a lovely, but frugal, Valentine's Day, yesterday, since I have to work today. I made speghetti, and we had a "Lady and the Tramp" theme. We played the sound track from the movie and had candlelight. All their money is going to medical bills now, and mine is supporting them. Six months of income has been lost while accumulating medical bills, which takes all the disability pay. Christine is now back at work, these last 2 weeks, after recovering from her head injury received while at work, 7 months ago. It was great to celebrate the love we have for one another, and remember how this too shall pass. I hope that all will be well soon and get back to "normal".
Kimberly is still trying to find a job for the degree she went to school for. She is very patient and perservering under the circumstances. The economy can not improve fast enough for me. When I think of all the money spent getting her an education, and now there are no jobs, it just sickens me. Things seem to be looking up, and I am so grateful we are all doing okay now. Without our faith, we would not have made it. Love Kim

H1N1

2009-10-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

Dear all,
Well now, Kimberly recovered nicely from her virus; only to go back to her internship and work with a sick intern, and now has come down with H1N1! We were to urgent care on Sunday; and so I couldn't work on Monday, until I had been cleared by HR and Employee Health. Kimberly is in bed; as she is soooo tired! I made Mom's hot cider for her yesterday, and some homemade chicken soup which should have her well in no time. The doctor at urgent care acted as if it was much ado about nothing. I seem to have immunity, and Brandon and Christine are still "well". Brandon has been followed by his dr. who says that the periods of confusion he is having daily might be a brain tumor. I asked about his low B12, since the lab said it might cause neuropsychiatric episodes. He seemed surprised and read the note. We will be getting a new dr. for Brandon after he sees the neurologist on the 29th. He seems better since starting to take a mega B complex now for 5 days. We are also going to go the CHLA Life Clinic and ask for a dr that knows about cancer survivor health. Please keep us in your prayers. I don't feel too worried and my mother's intuition isn't alarming at this point. Christine and Brandon have been through so much in the last 3 years, and they are stronger than ever. It is a blessing to witness. Love all, Kim

The Flu

2009-09-26T12:13:00.000-07:00

Hi all!
Well, here it is...We have been hearing about H1N1 for months, and since I am a health care professional I get to really be hearing about it, so when my daughter exhibits symptoms of the flu; body aches, temp of 100+, headache, running nose (the worst ever), sore throat, ear ache, and finally cough, I tell her to get herself to the Doctor and let him know I work in NICU so I need to be sure it isn't H1N1. She goes and comes home on antibiotics and a nasal decongestant. No, he doesn't think she has IT! Why? Because she should have more body aches! He says its probably some other virus. This is my big girl who never complains, but did, and so I gave her my arthritis Tylenol (1350mg) to help with the fever and pain, as well as 2 Benydryl to help with the copious nasal discharge, and to facilitate sleep the night before. She was pale as a corpse with huge dark circles under her eyes; and you all know she's normally a beautiful brown sugar color, with sparklely eyes. This doctor did not check her by swabbing her nose or throat, so I don't know if I've been exposed! How are we supposed to keep the public protected if doctors don't do their job? Now, my son is complaining of ear ache and feeling confused, and so went to urgent care last night where they prescribed...you guessed it antibiotics and a decongestant! No one swabbed him either, so we still don't know. We are all in the high risk group in our family, since Kimberly is 24, and Brandon, Christine and I have underlying health problems of asthma, CP, and Lupus. In case you don't know, antibiotics don't work on viruses. I'm still having them take them just in case it really is bacterial, but I'm skeptical. With this kind of healthcare we should all be sick in no time! Just a heads up...In our family we have a nail biter, face touchers, nose itchers, etc and so all the hand washing in the world is not going to be insurance enough. They carry hand sanitizer in their backpacks, purses, cars, and so on, but as you see they are still all sick. I wash my hands every few minutes (since I'm in healthcare, its a habit). I'm feeling that familiar tickle in my throat, and can't tell for sure, but I don't think the warmth I feel is a hot flash. I took a sudafed a little while ago for my post nasal drip, and I feel a little "off". Sure wish I knew if this was the H1N1...since I'm now at work for the day! Stay well if you can, Love Kim

God's love

2009-09-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

Dear ones,
I went to a memorial for a 19 month old baby on Saturday. The little boy was the 3rd child of my children's childhood friend, Sarah. We have known Sarah since she was 3. Many memories were shared of long days spent under the 2 trees in my front yard. Days of popcorn and koolaid, games, and plays, and playing "store", "school" and "hospital". My front porch saw alot of business from the neighborhood because our huge trees kept things cool. We knew we had to attend this memorial.
Sarah, and her brother, Mark, were so happy to see our family; and we were so glad to bring some comfort of happier times to them. Their grandparents, our next door neighbors, had been "foster grandparents" to my own two children, until they passed on. When the new neighbors moved in they began digging up all of my friend Ann's beloved roses. I ran out there, and explained in my broken spanish that these were my deceased friends roses. They put sticks in pots for me, and unfortunately, with my brown thumb of death, only one survived. I waited with anticipation to see which of the roses made it. It was a melon orangey color; not my favorite, but still....Ann's legacy. I had just trimmed the bush back a couple of weeks before learning of the memorial for Ann's great grandchild. I thought to take some roses to the memorial. When I checked the bush there were only 3 closed buds on a branch. The memorial was saturday, and I knew they wouldn't open in time, when the night before they were still closed. I said a little prayer and told my grown children I would take the buds and mix them with babies breath the next morning and maybe it would be enough. We almost forgot to check. Brandon remembered, and we went out and here was one of the buds perfectly open just in time! I added babies breath, to the one open blossom and 2 buds; and tied it with white ribbon, and placed it in a pill bottle with water, since the memorial was down in SanClemente. It smelled lovely and looked beautiful, but I felt a little silly at my small offering. I felt I was supposed to take it anyway.
The memorial was beautiful. The pastor spoke at length about God, and then said that God is not in control of this fallen world; if He was, He would be considered a child abuser. I looked at the small melon rose and suddenly I knew that God was indeed in control; even of something so small as forcing a rose to bloom overnite, to be a small comfort for a greiving family. When I gave the rose to Sarah, and told her it was from her grandmothers bush, she was touched and wept with gratitude and said "I have to show my mother, because we have felt my grandmother's presence in these last days so strongly." When she showed her mother, they wept together over the little rose and both exclaimed that it was their favorite color of Ann's roses. I am amazed at God's love. The rose survived to comfort them at this time. I never would have known that years ago when I tried to preserve Ann's roses, and was disapointed that my least favorite color was the only one to survive, that it wasn't meant for me, but for Sarah and her extended family at this difficult time. God knows and loves each and every one of us, and will comfort us in His way. We may not understand why a little boy dies mysteriously, but we can know of His love for us, and take comfort that everything happens for a reason. Our God is in control, and is a loving Father of us all.

An Unlikely Family

2009-08-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

To all who venture here,
All my life I can remember wanting a real, normal, family. I read books like "Little Women", "Little Men" and even "Grapes of Wrath" showed family working together to survive. I can remember living with my paternal grandmother and loving it. All the cousins around and aunties and uncles. My parents were divorced; both were judged to be lacking in the parenting department, and so Grandma took care of us. I felt really loved, even though I missed my mother emensely. My Father was like a big kid, tickling us all the time til we cried, and piling us up in a 3 kid sandwich and laying on us. He was 6'6" so this wasn't fun, especially since I was usually on the bottom! Then Father married a woman 15 years my senior. I was 5 or so. She turned out to have even less parenting skills and was a very scary, abusive, psycho. The fact that Father did not protect us says alot. It was a long nightmare, interrupted by 18 months in foster care for me when I was 6. The care I received in foster care was calm and capable. I wanted to stay there forever, but was sent back to the nightmare at age 8. I left one month after I turned 18; tired of the molestation by my Father and being beat up by my stepmother. I went back for my sister, and then my brother, as soon as I was able.
The point is that I survived miraculously, fairly OK. My sister and my brother did not get to see "normal", and so they have had to try and figure it out themselves. I love them both very much. I understand them, when others may not. My brother always hugs me a little too tight, and has a heart that is so big. My sister swings back and forth between her truth, and what really happened; she lived with lies all her life, and that became normal. I see the struggle in her. Then I have my other sister who grew up with my mother who was clinicly depressed over the loss of her other 3 children. I also have a foster sister who my Mom and "Dad" loved by choice. They are all my siblings forever, scars and all. Whether we can survive, the loss of our chosen parents "Mom and Dad" remains to be seen. We are fragile at best at staying a "family" and that is sad, because after all "all I've ever wanted is a normal family". My children remind me often that I have broken the cycle of abuse, and that we are a pretty normal family. We are small, but I hope significant in the path my posterity shall take. Some things take a lifetime to accomplish, and somethings will have to wait for the next act. I guess I shall have to leave it to Him... Love's Eternal, Kim

Family Update

2009-08-27T22:27:00.000-07:00

Dear all,
Well, it was over 105 today, but not humid, thank goodness. The kids went to Disneyland today; with Nina and her boyfriend from North Dakota. He fits right in, and everyone seems to be getting along nicely. They met online about 3 years ago. Christine stayed home, as she was injured at work a while back, and is recovering from post concussion syndrome. She gets vertigo and dizzy so the rides did not sound fun. She is spending the day with her parents. I went to the bank, post office, and grocery store, and did 2 loads of towels after the sun went down. I finished a good book "Can't Wait to Get to Heaven" and I can recommend it. Did the dishes, watered the lawn etc. A productive day....
Christine is on workman comp, and Brandon is on break from parades, which won't start up again until sometime in Oct. He is back in school and is really enjoying 2 classes. Christine had to drop her class due to the head injury. Kimberly is also taking a class, working, and has a new internship working for "Silly Sally's" children's entertainment. She is a busy girl! I plan to go back to school next spring if my health holds up, and my parents estate gets settled. I also plan to get my own affairs in order in case something happens to me. Ever since their grandparents died, my kids have been worried about me leaving them with out some instructions in place. How did the last 21 years go by so fast?
Well, I guess I just don't have much to say here. Hope all of you are well and happy. We could use some prayers for Christine to get well, Brandon to have enough time to finish school, Kimberly to get a job in her field of study, and for me to have the title of "Grandma" bestowed upon me this next year. No pressure though, just wishing...love eternal, Kim

Summer Heat

2009-08-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

I am not a summer person. I love autumn. Autumn can not get here soon enough. I ran the air conditioner again last night...all night. It is a window unit out in the living room, and I have to position a fan, going full blast, to blow into the back where the bedrooms are. On a personal note...I absolutely hate menopause! Not that I have a uterus anymore...but the power surges are so embarrassing, and in this heat I look like I'm melting...all the time. The sweat drips off my earings for gosh sakes! So come on cool, crisp, beautiful fall! I also need a job working in a refrigerator, and not under baby warmers set to body temp...yep 98.6. When I asked the elder ladies at church how long this phase of my life would last they smiled and said they were still having hot flashes! They got to be 90! How is that possible? I did ask Mom about all these annoying symptoms, while she was still alive, but she said she didn't experience them. Lucky me...! So I didn't get much sleep again last night, and woke up to 3 dogs staring at me; 10 minutes before the alarm was set to go off. They wanted to go out. I really needed that last 10 minutes. No one should have to get up at 430 in the morning. It just feels wrong. On the upside, I had the freeway pretty much to myself. I listened to country music on the way in to work; which is just stories put to music, which always makes me smile; so that by the time I switched freeways I was in a much better mood. The moon was huge and orange looking suspiciously like a harvest moon, which can only mean one thing...Autumn is on its way!

Summer ahhh...

2009-06-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Hello all!
Well here it is, summer at last. It has been mild and cool so luckily haven't had to use the air conditioner. Christine is at work most days in the Disney stores in California Adventure. Brandon still hasn't received hours and discovered no one informed his boss he was off medical leave! Hopefully, he will get some hours next week. Kimberly is still at the theatre and still looking for an internship. She may go back to school to get another degree. But for now it's summer. The kids just celebrated their 3rd wedding anniversary (june 10), and Christine's birthday #25 was yesterday. They went to San Diego for 3 nights and 4 days to celebrate. They came back looking very happy and rested. They went on the Ghost bus tour and had a wonderful time. Brandon wore his Ghost busters t-shirt. I have been slowly going through all the paperwork one accumulates as I have been bitten by the organizing bug. Unfortunately, I was also bitten by the pharygitus bug and spent the last week in bed! One of my patients died while I was out, which is upsetting to me.
I am also going to be in Illinois July 1st thru July 8th to take care of some business. I will be able to see adorable Isabella Elizabeth then. Well, got to get back to work. God bless all. Love Kim

Dad

2009-06-01T14:12:00.000-07:00

Dear All,
Well, I am still feeling stunned by the loss of my "Dad". He died on Monday the 18th of May; exactly on his "half birthday" Christine reminded me. He was 83 and a half. A year and a half after Mom is way too soon. It makes me feel so empty inside. I have been walking around for days now, hardly knowing what to say. I go to work because that is what he would have done, and while busy with tasks I don't have to think about it. The hospital botched the diagnosis, even with my sister there ( who is a paramedic) telling them what was wrong. We both try always to do our best caring for our patients, so it is hard to wrap our minds around our being helpless to save our own father.
I always told Dad that they broke the mold when they made him; but that if I ever found someone who was like him I would consider remarrying and I meant it. He loved Mom very much and missed her emensely. He was a man ahead of his time, and yet was able to do all the repair stuff, and was a person of integrity and few words. He did not ever talk bad about anyone. He could make me feel fabulous with just a few words, or reprimanded with even less. He made me want to be the best person I could be. My son, Brandon adored him for his patience and intelligence. Kimberly, loved watching our video of him over and over as a child. Christine is so glad she got to know him. They all love quoting him. "What would Grandpa do?" and "Grandpa knew it!" have become common statements at our house. Having lived through the depression he was wiser than the average person, and very cautious as well. Going through his things, we have discovered he was more generous than we knew. Many the loan he gave out...never to be repaid again. We never knew it.
I am comforted by the thought that he has joined his parents, wife, and daughter on the other side...born into eternity. I like to think he and Mom are in charge of some special corner of heaven with lots of wild life and plenty of space to walk. (Dad walked 3-4 miles a day) And plenty of time to be with friends and dance if they feel so inclined. I think my brother, Kelly, said it best at the memorial when he said, "Dad was father to one, and Dad to six". How true! He never made us feel like step children, or foster children. Many of us certainly didn't make it easy on he and Mom. He had a huge heart and I'm so glad to have known him. It is weird not having him to make me feel like I belong somewhere. Thanks for making me feel like I belonged Dad!Thanks for never beating me, or molesting me. Thanks for your patience and your tolerance. Thanks for loving my Mom. Thanks for loving all of us strangers, warts and all. Thanks for being my Dad! Thanks for being Grandpa to my children. Thanks for being there.

Weekend Ahhhs...

2009-05-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

Dear All,
Well, here I am back at work. I feel so much better than last week. I think I needed some sun and fun. We (Kimberly, Nina, and I) went to Sea World on Friday. It was sunny and cool. I got a nice pink glow from the sunshine, and I walked for hours. My hip was screaming after a few hours, so I told the girls they should just go ahead; and I would enjoy people watching, and the shops. I am proud of myself. I didn't buy one thing! We had lunch there, and waffle ice cream hot fudge sundaes, later before leaving. Apparently, they had an earthquake in L.A. while we were there. We didn't feel it, but Brandon did at home. Kimberly got to see her beloved manatees, and I saw the sea otters. Nina is partial to the polar bears. It was very relaxing to go for the day. I was in bed by 10pm. I slept in until 11am! I couldn't believe it! I went to lunch with Belle, who came down off the hill (from Big Bear City), and then we went to see "Ghosts of Girl Friends Past" with Matthew McConahey. Love that man's voice. Smooth. It was very cute and we laughed alot. An enjoyable time. Then yesterday I went to church, for all 3 meetings, and it was very uplifting. It was Fast Sunday where we fast for 2 meals, and give an offering of money for the poor instead. This is the way we can feed those who are in need. Times are tough, so there are more in need. It works very well. Then I took a nap for 2 hours! I made a roast and spanish rice for dinner. There was a womens fireside last night; so I went to that, and had a wonderful time discussing a book "A Heart Like His" I think it was, which was all about opening up your heart and loving your fellow man the way Christ did. We had Strawberry Shortcake for desert and great conversation. It lasted about 2 hours. I got home around 920pm. I walked in the door just as Brandon was leaving. He had a concerned look on his face. When I asked him where he was going he said "to look for you!" I was surprised, since I had told him where I'd be...Apparently, these firesides usually only take 1 hour, so he got worried. Giggle, giggle. I did not do my laundry this weekend...I rested. Boy, what a difference! I am a new woman. I was fed spiritually and physically as well as emotionally. A great weekend. I did make Jacque's Cranberry Cookies for everyone at work, since I was feeling so energetic. So today everyone is saying how awesome they are! Thank you Jacque...and no comments about me looking tired! Love ya, Kim

On Being Tired!

2009-04-30T14:58:00.000-07:00

Dear All,
I don't know how to get through the day anymore without dosing off. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm sick. Which just means "You look terrible". I was sick earlier this month, I am 52 years old, and I do get up at 430am and I do work a 12.5 hr shift, and I don't bounce back like I used to. I am peddling the stationary bike for 15-20 minutes most days to try and get in shape, and I watch what I eat and try to destress by scripture reading and prayer. Anyway, at least 3 people have asked me if I'm sick today. And I thought I was having a good hair day! I am trying not to get depressed but it is discouraging!
I plan to go to San Diego with Kimberly and Nina tomorrow, for the day to see the animals at Sea World; get some sun, and excercise, and have some fun. I hear it might rain. We still might go anyway. I have 3 days off; and boy do I need them! I have been working a little overtime lately, but apparently I can't do that anymore with out looking like I'm coming down with something. Can't wait to see my beloved sea otters; now they know how to relax. I usually have to go someplace so that I can keep from doing something at home. It always does me good. I have an annual pass that will expire in early June. We will have to eat cheap while there as I am on a strict budget...More on that later. Love Kim

Empty Nesting?

2009-04-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dear All,
Well, I thought I might write some sort of explanation here as to why I still live at home with my grown children...I have often had fleeting moments, hours, sometimes days, where I dream of everyone being moved out and on their own (empty nest). I think of the possibility of paying off the neverending bills, dropping down to parttime at work and going back to school to get a degree in psychology for counseling parents and children, the house echoing with my lone footsteps...It looked like I might get my wish for a while. Now, with the recession, I am beginning to accept that the dream will have to wait. We have all been overwhelmed lately trying to stay "on plan", and never having time to see each other, much less stop and smell any roses. So, after much discussion we've decided to take the slower, but saner, route to success, and happiness. We are going to enjoy interdependence a little longer; and therefore have more time together, and more prosperity, instead of poverty. Brandon had an epiphany recently (with help from Bishop); that he was concentrating all his energy on school, and little on God (whom he loves), church(which he loves), family(which he loves more), or excercise(which he needs) etc. After the rest of us took a similar inventory, we discovered we also need more balance in our lives. Christine also was too heavy on the schooling end, Kimberly has been madly paying off the bills she accumulated while in school (paid off now), and she's forgotten how to relax, and me? I have been working like mad at work and home, like some sort of martyr to keep everything going!
This semester ends in May, and then Brandon and Christine will be working more at work (they were both off on medical leave for much of this year), and at home(to help me out). Kimberly is making more time for friends and family now that her bills are paid off, and is calmly searching for a job in her field of study. Hollywood says they won't be hiring til next year, so she really just needs another internship to stay in the loop. I, will try to let the house remain more cluttered, and accept all the help I get there, as well as sign up for one class in the fall. My dream of going part time at work (or even dropping overtime hours) will have to wait. The debt will get paid off ,eventually, and I will get my Bachelor's someday anyway. Good news...The kids are going to try and get pregnant, with my blessings, next year sometime. You heard it here first. Whether or not they have their own place, with my approval! I am hoping to add on to my home, one master suite and bathroom, as well as renovate the place, in a manner that allows for a more open floor plan. I kind of like the idea of some strong construction type guys working on my house. Okay I'm old, but not dead. Now that I'm on dayshift, I can actually plan some improvements. I hope the bank is as excited about the possibilities as I am! I can't wait to be a grandma, and I'm so glad that Brandon and Christine have decided not to wait any longer to bless all our lives with a baby! They will have been married 3 years this June. So my worries about having an empty nest, will have to wait a couple more years. Who wants to be lonely anyway? I don't need to hear my footsteps echoing in an empty house. On with the adventure! Love Kim

What do you think of my hair?

2009-04-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

Dear all,
I can not believe that it has been so long since I posted a note! The computer is on the fritz, and I don't like to borrow the laptops unless I need to pay the bills. Those of you who are waiting for me to answer their emails...I have over 300 pieces to sort through! I wanted to post something about being easily offended and slow to forgive. I really want those I love to be slow to be offended, and quick to forgive. Especially when writing, it is so easy to be misunderstood. No facial expressions, or tone, to alter one's meanings. I find that it always helps to talk, talk, talk, until both parties understand each other. Keeping it in the "I feel thus, when you blah, blah, blah...is one excercise which seems to help. Also, repeating back what you think the person is saying to the person is a great way to get clarification. ie Are you saying...? or Do you mean...? It is also allowable to say..."You know, I'm feeling kind of irritable today so please...". Someday these misunderstandings will be foder for laughter if handled the correct way. For instance...My son hates spiders. I mean he really hates them. So the other day he was balancing on his bed and trying to check the drapes for the critters when...he lost his balance, and in flailing around grabbed the head of his Goofy phone and it, of course, came off in his hand! He brought it to me, heartbroken, to see if I thought it could be fixed. He is 27. Now, I did not laugh...then. Much later, I did have a chuckle, and I am sure someday soon he will too. I marvel at my restraint! The point is funny things, and not so funny things, happen in life; and sometimes its best to refrain from comment for a moment or even a season. This same son, when asked yesterday by his lovely wife, what he thought of her new hairstyle for the ball, said without thinking "it's messy", or "it's a mess" depending upon whom you ask. Many tears later, and after much advice from sister and mother, we let them solve it themselves. Since they were both still at my house when I woke up this am for work, I assume they are fine; and Kimberly and I have a funny family story to tell. I'm sure they too will think it funny someday. It is like the question "do these pants make me look fat?" . Always, always, always, say "No!"(if you are the husband). Hope you all are seeing the glass as half full and finding the funny times to remember. Love Kim

A Memorable Thanksgiving to all...

2008-11-20T14:37:00.000-08:00

Dear all,
Well, this is becoming repetitive...I was in the ER last Sunday for severe vertigo. Apparently, I had a virus in my inner ear effecting the smallest bone in my body which is located in the labrinth of the inner ear. This little bone controlls balance and apparently keeps you upright and from vomiting your guts out every time you open your eyes! It was like being on a roller coaster and not being able to get off. I may never eat blueberry yogurt and carrot juice again. I had been having a great day...yes, that's right; after 14 years on nights I have gone to days. It has been great...except for the episode of DavidBowie itus.(Kimberly's nick name for my condition.) I had to take a week off to recover, because I could not drive or anything! I was supposed to take the basic life support review course the next day, so had to make special arrangements. I took my newborn resusitation review course today, and took Pediatric resusitation in July; thus my brain is so full that anyone should be able to collapse in front of me, and I'll be able to come to the rescue...unless I'm having Labrinthitus causing Vertigo!
So, I now get up at 430 am to leave the house by 530 and get to work by 630. It actually takes 15-30 minutes less to commute than before. I am getting plenty of daylight so the vitamin D levels should come up nicely as well. Everyone on days has been very welcoming, and for that I am so grateful. I have already lost some weight and I think I feel better. I finally replaced our stove which had been invaded by a fruit rat while I was in Arizona with Mom.The rat took all the insulation out of the oven. It took a year to be able to get the stove, but now we can all cook again. We were microwaving, toaster ovening, and pancake grilling before but it's not the same. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. The first thing I cooked last night was Poorman's Speghetti...which Kimberly wants again tomorrow for her birthday. She has taken this family favorite to work, on occasion, for partys; and the pregnant coworkers always crave it after that. She told me that 2 coworkers are pregnant. and will be wanting the receipe if we make that for the Christmas party. It is so nice to spread my Mom's "love" around in this way.
I miss Mom so much, and cannot believe how empty I feel when I want to share a laugh or a worry with her. I miss hearing her calm advice and reassurance. I can still imagine her "Well, dear, you know..." I am so glad I had some special time with her when I could hug and kiss her as much as I wanted. She kept asking why dying was taking so long?...I think...so I could get in a few more embraces and sweet kisses to live on... untill we meet again. Mom was always busy doing something before she got sick, so it was hard to get those in, but in the end she was right there...waiting and available for all the love I could give...So thankful this Thanksgiving to have that bond with her, and for all my extended family and friends. Most of all, of course, for my own dears; Kimberly, Brandon and Christine. God bless you all. Love Kim

Making History in my Corner

2008-11-08T05:05:00.000-08:00

Dear All,
Voted for Obama this week after standing in line for 5hrs. Actually, I stood for 3 hours and then sat for 2. I had attended church and even though it was sunday, it was the only day I could vote. First, I was in the sun under my green umbrella, and then when the sun went down I was under a tent where I sat and got cold. I never get cold, but I did. When they finally called my #, I could barely walk to the booth. There I filled in the bubbles. The whole time in line the No on 8 supporters were screaming at us. I might add that they were telling lies as well. It was very hostile and I'm glad I had attended church, so that I could stay in my "happy place". Still, it was emotionally exhausting!Standing for what's morally right is hard, being labeled a bigot and hateful is heartbreaking, and then praying for those that don't understand to be given understanding feels impotent. I never thought I would see the swat teams protecting the temple in my lifetime. I know that in the latter days good people will be mocked and ridiculed. I also know which side wins the battle. Standing for something morally correct is hard now; I can only imagine how difficult it will be for my grandchildren. May the angels of heaven protect us. Love Kim

Show Me the Money

2008-10-10T10:13:00.001-07:00

2008-10-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,
Yesterday, I received a call from Debbie, my sister, and of course it had been sent the day before; but due to modern technical difficulties, I didn't receive it until 1 minute before she called again, about the anniversary of our mother's death. Maybe God knew that it would be easier to talk about it the day after. I called my Dad this morning, and chatted awhile. It was so good to hear his voice, and I can't wait to see him. My Dad is a really cool guy. He loves taking early morning walks, even though he is almost 82. He has the legs of a much younger man! He loves all nature. And if you want to talk about "Mavericks" he really is one. He has been an environmentalist even before it was popular. He and a friend, Bob, worked hard to get the saftey regulations passed in his state about pools, because he didn't want to hear about one more child drowning due to lack of fencing. He predicted this "Depression" years ago, and I thank God, because I am less shocked than others now that it is a reality. He is satisfied with the simple things in life, and that is a good legacy to give us all. He is a quiet man; although now that Mom is gone, he talks alot more. That is wonderful; because it means he is sharing himself with us, and we really want to know him!
Yesterday, I also discovered that my paycheck was short! Apparently, I've been forgetting to punch in or out, and so they thought I was working 6 hr shifts! depending on when I took my lunch. Since there is only 1 therapist in NICU at a time, this is not hard to check, but it is my responsibility. Funny, that no one tried to charge me with patient abandonment! That is the other reason I need to correct this. People get fired, and have their licenses yanked for that. In trying to compare paychecks, I was unable to find many that had the correct hours on them. Now, I have to go back and try and get the money owed myself from Payroll. My only excuse is to point out that I have been exhausted for many years due to the Vitamin D deficit. I like to think people have what's called "integrity". Now, that I am fully awake, I must be properly compensated. I am feeling years younger! I am moving again! I am back to having so much energy, and just in time to save my life, and my money!
I am getting excited about the family memorial and reunion. I am glad I'll be feeling well enough to enjoy everyone. I plan to take lots of pictures. Autumn is my absolute favorite season of all! For me, the holidays have always started in October, my birthday month, with the changing of the leaves. What a spectacular display God puts on for all of us! It really reflects his love for everyone! Sometimes, as adults, we might not notice these "gifts". I think that is why we are instructed to be as little children. They appreciate the spectacle and wonder around them. They are so forgiving of our shortcomings as "grownups". They love us anyways!
The "kids" are going to add some installments here on the blog, as soon as they get a moment of free time. Stay tuned for that!

Mom's Are Great!

2008-10-09T07:05:00.000-07:00

Dear All,
Well, yesterday was the anniversary of my mother's death. I don't know if anyone else remembered in my family, as no one called.I slept since I worked the night shift; and didn't think anyone would appreciate a 3am call, when I was reminiscing at work. Mostly, I miss the phone calls to Mom. Dad would not let her call, because he is a Great Depression survivor and you know "a penny saved". I used to call her on my way home from work in the morning; because who can you call at 7am, and know they'll be happy to hear from you? She knew I'd call if I got sleepy, on my over an hour commute, after working 12.5 hours. She always was happy to hear from me; even when she was recovering from her brain surgery, or while she had her short stay in the nursing home. I am so glad we brought her home for those last few days; so she could die surrounded by her family.She was so happy to be near us, even after she could no longer speak.I also miss her reassurance that I am OK as a person; and no matter what, that steadfast LOVE. Sometimes I was so frustrated when I couldn't seem to communicate a hurt or offended feeling. Now, what I wouldn't give for a little of her assessments and opinions; just to hear her voice! How easily we as people are offended by someone who honestly loves us and just can't resist trying to "fix" something in our lives.
Brandon gave me a blessing the other night, when I was so ill, and in the process announced that "Grandma remembers you and watches over you; and is happy serving Heavenly Father in the Kingdom". Just like Mom, not to rest a moment. I hope she will look in on all of us during her "Memorial" coming up on the 18th. The family is having a reunion with the traditional wienie roast she started many years ago. I wonder if she'll be happy with our progress? In some ways we seem so disconnected now that she is gone. She was the glue that kept us together. I've read that siblings have the longest relationships of all; and therefore the potential to be the most important. Since I am the oldest, I've known my siblings the longest at this point. I, too, find myself wanting stay connected with my siblings and other extended family members, wanting to have an awesome relationship with each and every one. Not an easy task, from my position on the west coast. So...I send cards. The cards, I hope, will bring a smile, or laugh, a little "oh, she remembers me". Hallmark calls me their "top platinum customer". It's not as grand as the annual wienie roast she'd have, but it is the same attempt at connecting to those I love most. Getting them to stop and think about "us". In this way too busy world, I think we all could use more of those moments....in my opinion, and in the tradition of "Mom".

I'm gonna live!

2008-10-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,
I am so much better today! I am awake bright and early, which is not good since I work the night shift from 630p to 7a. I'll have to get a nap later. I was in so much pain over the weekend, it felt like an amputation of my abdomen would be preferable. I hope it is a long time before that happens again. I have to be real careful what I eat. I guess that means I'm officially "old", although I still feel pretty good at nearly 52. On the good health news...I may not have Lupus! My rheumatologist ran some tests, and says that my positive ANA might be due to my gut problems, and the fact that I have a severe vitamin D shortage. So he started me on a lot of the D and I feel so much better, (until I got sick) that I don't have to take my pain medicine now hardly at all! They think that D is the secret to many of the diseases we suffer from. You see, you get it mostly from the sun, and as I've said I work the night shift and have for over 15 years. That, along with the increased use of sunscreen, is causing epidemic vitamin D deficiency! So what's a woman to do? I have to try and get 15 min of sun per day, preferably not between 12 and 4 p, and take the supplement. He's gonna check me in 4 mos. I already feel like a new woman. When I think of all the drs and drugs I've paid for and taken over the last 20 years it is infuriating! The deficiency causes the same symptoms as Lupus, MS etc. In my case it caused osteomalacia which is a fancy word for bone pain, as well as fibromalacia etc. I had to stop working out! I gained almost 100 lbs! Now it is slowly coming off. Apparently, it causes increased appetite and fat storage to try and get D from food. I don't feel hungry like before, and the depression is gone as well! Ah, that was problably more than you wanted to know... but I just hope everyone gets the simple blood test for vitamin D levels, who is suffering similar symptoms. You can research it on the internet if you like.
About my family; as I said before my daughter Kimberly is 23 and works at a movie theater, and my son Brandon is 26 and is married and works at Disneyland and goes to CSFullerton. My daughter in law, Christine is 24 and attends Fullerton JC. She is also employed by Disney, but is on medical leave. So you can see, my recreational activities are covered. I also bought a pass to Sea World, to get some serious walking in this summer, and to visit my beloved sea otters! When Kimberly goes with me, she visits the manatees. She sponsered one when she was a child, and had its poster in her room until it was beyond faded. This summer, she sponsered a new one named Robin. Hopefully, it won't get killed by the motor boats. Maybe she will share the updates about him and his friends here. She also bought a 5 ft square of the rain forest when she was a child. I have no idea how that is doing. She was a very conscienscious kid! Considering I only gave them one dollar for every year they were per week they really had to budget. For instance if they were 5 ,they got 5 dollars per week. They had to make their lunch or they could use their money once in a while. Mostly, they made their lunches. Usually, they saved for the latest video. I should have known they would go into the movie making business. They were always putting on puppet shows when they were toddlers, and then later had a neighborhood theater group which took place on our front porch. Kimberly graduated magna cum laude with her BA degree in film and electronic arts this past May. She wants to get into advertising for cinema. What ever company gets her will be blessed by her talents greatly. Brandon is majoring in the same thing, but wanted to be a cinematographer until recently when he changed his interest to sound editing. Since he is so meticulous, this fits his talents perfectly, and will allow him to stay closer to home while the children (my grandchildren!) are young. He plans to pursue the cinematography later. I think Christine is currently interested in family counseling. She is an amazing person, and I love her so very much; it seems as though she has always been in our lives. Sometimes, she has to remind us that something happened before Christine (BC) Ha Ha! She is wonderful for Brandon and he adores her. I want to post some pictures here, but have no clue how to. She is probably going to get stuck helping me do that. Well, I'll be signing off from the Horta Dorm now and wish you all God's blessings!

About the Hortas

2008-10-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,
Well here it is, finally, the Horta family blog! I can't believe I am able to find time to set this up. Actually, I am home sick today. After a visit to the ER on Saturday night, of course I am not able to get in to my doctor until thursday, so......with all the free time I have, I decided to see if I can do this blog. My son, Brandon, and his wife, Christine, are napping; he was up early returning the sound equipment for his latest movie to the college library; and she had difficulty sleeping last night due to her knee pain, for which she is going to have surgery on the 15th. My daughter, Kimberly is off to her internship; working for M-80 an advertising agency. She does that 3 days a week, and then works for money the other days of the week at a movie theater, where she is being trained as assistant manager. We are all just grateful to be employed during these difficult economic times. Brandon hasn't been able to work much due to school this semester. His movie production class takes alot of hours. Christine is out on medical leave. She is able to go to college however.
We discussed last night that we need more "family time". At least I do. We all share the same house, but rarely have any real planned time together due to our unusual schedules. We used to have family meetings but lately haven't all been off together. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that they miss the meetings as well so we will make a stronger effort to reconnect. The weather is cooler here now and so I am lovin it. We live in a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house so just getting bathroom time is a priviledge. Somehow it all works out. I try to keep my bedroom as neat as possible so that I don't go crazy. It is my retreat. The rest of the house is a hodgepodge of furniture and belongings. Think The Weasleys house from Harry Potter.
Add to all this our 3 dogs and it becomes quite cozy. How I got to be the owner of 3 dogs is simple. We had Penny who needed a 'friend' so we adopted 'Jack' from the pound, and then my coworker said her new dog attacked her nanny and would I take it so her kids could still visit him? Anyway, this vicious dog turned out to be a real love. He is a dashund mix so we named him 'Link'. He is Kimberly's dog so she takes care of him. I am his 'Grandma'.
Speaking of Grandmas, I am beginning to think that day will never arrive. Brandon still has 2 more years of college and then another year to save for their own home. When I get sick like this, I think I might not make it. It is wonderful to see the love they have for each other even after 2 years they are so sweet to see! I am glad to be blessed by their company. Brandon thinks he is taking care of me and maybe he is...otherwise what would I do with all my time staring at the walls? It is safer to know someone is almost always home now. The years flew by and I can not believe how fast. I just kept thinking "Oh this is my favorite age" and it was one long love story. They have blessed my life so abundantly!